Worst… Kids’ Book… Ever

I hate The Easter Egg Express. It is a really, really terrible children’s book for so many reasons.

First off, it is a holiday book. This means that, as adults, we only really feel like reading the book to our kids for a limited time at a certain point in the year. The kids, on the other hand, want to read it whenever they feel like it. They don’t care when the holiday in question occurs. It will be a hot day in July, and they will miraculously find that awful Christmas book you thought you had permanently laid to rest in that dark corner under the couch. They will want to read about Santa Clause right now. They will want to hear it 74 consecutive times. You will want nothing more than to be put out of your unseasonal misery.

Second, the book was originally published in German, and the copy we possess is a translated version. Not necessarily a bad thing in itself, but this particular book was very poorly translated. Three of its eleven total sentences are run-on sentences. Not OK. Also, the text refers to delivering eggs to the “boy and girls”. I’m willing to overlook the fact that the characters are actually animals, not people, and should not be referred to as boys and girls, but you should definitely pluralize both ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ if they’re going to appear together like that, especially since there are multiple male characters receiving eggs.

Third, the content is completely vapid. The little egg train goes around to the homes of five different animals in the forest. At each stop there is a sentence describing something about that particular house. For two out of the five stops, the comment is essentially “it was not hard to find his house”. Really? That’s all you could come up with? Here we have a bear living in this elaborate earthen dome with a cuckoo clock and family photos on the wall, and all you can discuss is how well your GPS worked? Pathetic.

In the end, the five animals all go back to find the rabbit driver of the Easter Egg Express to thank him for their eggs. All five animals are pictured, but only four are named in the text. They forgot to list the bear. This kind of crap drives me crazy. Please, have a native English speaker who knows something about sentence structure proofread your 11 sentences before thousands of copies are printed and distributed. That’s not asking too much, is it? The very last sentence reads “Have fun with the Easter celebration!”. This just sounds weird, and I honestly don’t know if they’re saying that the animals are having fun, or if I’m the one who’s supposed to be having fun. If it’s the latter, believe me, I’m not.

I have found two online reviews of this book, and both are 5-star ratings. Seriously, what is wrong with you people? One reviewer only praises the book’s colorfulness. Yes, it’s very colorful, but no, that alone does not make it a 5-star book. The other reviewer claims “my granddaughter loves it!”. The reviewer is dazzled by the raised 3-D eggs that disappear with each turning page. Oh please. That’s what’s wrong with kid’s books these days. All the moving parts and holes and textures are seen as substitutes for actual content. Stick to the basics, people.

So parents, this Easter season I suggest that you not hop on board The Easter Egg Express. Its lessons of poor grammar, unimaginative commentary, careless exclusion, and pointless colorfulness are ones that your kids can do without, and will make for a pretty rough ride.

About dadbloggit

I'm an architect-turned-stay-at-home-dad to three little daughters. Being an architect was hard. Being a full-time parent is RIDICULOUSLY hard. And equally as rewarding. Dadbloggit is a record of this journey.
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10 Responses to Worst… Kids’ Book… Ever

  1. Ashley Burt says:

    Excellent review. I couldn’t agree more.

  2. I literally just laughed out loud while reading this post. I couldn’t agree with you more!

    • dadbloggit says:

      Oh, so you’re familiar with the book? That would be awesome to have a fellow Easter Egg Express hater out in the world somewhere. Perhaps you’re just agreeing with some of my other points. That’s also awesome.

      • Yes, I hate that book. I studied English Literature in University, so when I read a book that is so poorly translated and omits important details, it makes me want to scream…and then make the editor eat the pages.

        And, just to be clear, I agree with all of your other points as well. 🙂

      • dadbloggit says:

        Nice… eating the board book pages of this book would definitely teach the editor a lesson!

  3. Judi Burt says:

    Gosh – I hope that one didn’t come from us 😦

  4. Judi Burt says:

    Oh, and if it did come from us, I totally endorse the fireplace idea.

  5. Pingback: Kids, Llamas and the Holidays |

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