The other day, Bear, Bean and I were gathered ’round the dining room table to enjoy our midday repast. The lunch conversation, as guided by Bear and Bean, was riddled with scores of “poopies” and “butts” and “poopie butts” and the like, so I decided to turn my attention to the container of Mott’s applesauce in front of me. After perusing the nutritional facts for a while, and realizing that the kids were continuing to pontificate on and on about the hilarity of soiled pants, I spun the container and read some more. One line of text in particular jumped out at me:
“Since 1842, we’ve been dedicated to giving moms easy ways to help their families be their very best.”
I see how it is, Mott’s. You’re giving moms easy ways, are you? You’re all about helping the moms of this world, right? How noble you are. How totally noble and family-oriented. But what if… no, it couldn’t be. But just what if… there are some dads out there who buy groceries and serve them to their families? Some dads who are looking for easy ways to help their families be their very best? How do you deal with that possibility, Mott’s?
(Fade in to an imagined scene at the local grocery store. Dad, Bear and Bean are at the checkout counter when they are approached by an UnderCover Mott’s Man or UCMM)
UCMM: Excuse me sir. Are those your kids?
Dad: Yes indeed.
UCMM (confused): So… that would make you not their mom but… their dad, right?
Dad: Uh, yeah, that’s pretty much it.
UCMM: I see. I also see that you’re purchasing some quality Mott’s applesauce today. I assume you’ll be passing that off to your wife in order for her to serve it to the kids, right?
Dad: Um, nope, I’ll go ahead and dish it up for them myself. Why do you care?
UCMM (becoming agitated): OK, well surely you fully read through the label on the product prior to purchasing it, and so surely you are aware that Mott’s wants moms to help their families be their very best. There is no mention of any sort of dedication to dads anywhere on the label.
Dad: Dude, I’m just trying to buy some applesauce here…
UCMM: No! I will not have this! Return the Mott’s to aisle 6 immediately!
Dad: Are you serious right now?
UCMM: I’m afraid so! Now if you’ll just step this way with me.
UCMM: That’s right. You will now be accompanying me to Mott’s corporate headquarters in Plano, Texas. You clearly are not part of the demographic group we’ve been marketing to since 1842, and so we’ll need to bring you in for further study.
I guess I just have to wonder why, in this day and age, a company like Mott’s is still feeling the need to not only assume that moms are the sole purchasers of their product, but also that this is something they should spell out in large print on their containers. This assumption may have been fine and dandy back in 1842, but we’ve all circled the sun a few times since then, and things have happened. Times have changed. Hey, maybe 85% of the people that buy applesauce are still moms. Maybe 90%. But do you have to go and alienate the other 10-15 percent?
This concludes my anti-Mott’s applesauce rant.
I really need to get out more.